So I have spent the time thinking and writing a letter to send to BIL and SIL so I can express how they have made me feel in the past year and how much they hurt me at mother's day. I hope and pray that they accept and understand and will be more open and accepting of me. The letter follows I am sending it with my husband to deliver in person when he goes to his parents house.
To Matt and Lisa,
I am writing this letter to let you know that I forgive you for the pain and the hurt that you have caused me and following scripture will continue to 70 times 7 times. I would hope that not be necessary but I don’t know how you will take this and how you will treat me. I write this in a letter because I am able to more accurately express my feelings without getting mad and upset.
I have enclosed two songs that have been playing on the radio. I feel like these songs are speaking to me and were Gods answer to my prayer on what I should do. It seems like every time I was in the car in June and July the song Losing would be playing. I was singing the chorus for a while before I finally really listened to the lyrics and understood this song was written about my side of the situation we are in. It was kind of a slap in the face because of the part that is about choosing love or hate. I don’t choose hate I never do. I always choose love. I love everyone in some way. I realized then that I needed to figure something out. I don’t want to be a prisoner like the song suggests. The second song is titled Forgiveness and it started to be on the radio every time I was in the car in July and August. I realized that I needed to forgive you guys for the pain and hurt that has been caused in the past year or two.
There are just a few things though that I need to also let you know. They are just thoughts and feelings I have to let go of now. First the pictures as it was one of the biggest hurts. I am a photographer and I don’t hound people to get them to let me take their pictures. I am not going to be calling trying to work around your schedule to take pictures that is not what a photographer does. If you would like me to take pics you are more the welcome to call me and I can make you a deal.
Second I don’t understand what is going to be gained by ignoring someone while you are in their presence. All this did was cause hurt and me to cry all the way home that day. You have to accept people the way they are, you cannot change them by being mean to them it does no good.
Third I am getting this out of the way before the holidays begin. I would like to be able to be a part of holiday celebrations. I would like to be able to go to John and Jan’s when you are around and not feel that my presence is just horrible to you. Unfortunately though, I don’t know right now if I will feel comfortable coming to your house even for a holiday.
I have treated you as family from the start but I have not felt the same from you. Family doesn’t hurt each other and make one member isolated. I have worked hard for birthdays and holidays hand making cards and gifts and not being appreciated for all I do. Family understands when one member may have issues and they help make that person comfortable. They go out of their way to make someone able to have a good time. You all know I have issues with food but when we celebrated Christmas didn’t even think about what I would be able to eat. A simple call to ask us to bring something or to ask what I would like, would have made my day better and allowed me to enjoy the day with everyone. But you two don’t think like that and that makes me not feel like a part of the family to you.
Well getting this all out of the way and giving you my forgiveness I am basically putting the ball in your court. It is now up to you how things will go from here. If I am feeling loved and accepted for who I am then things may get better and be more comfortable. If I still feel hatred and unaccepted as a family member then I guess things will just stay the same. I don’t really know what else to do. I am who I am God made me a little different from others but I deal with it how I need to. I just hope you will accept that I am putting my heart out there for you and hope you won’t step on it again.
Love,
Catherine
